Every time I think I have my life semi-balanced, I get tugged a little off base and reminded that its always a measure of continually moving forward. Resting for the moment is nice, but stepping forward is what’s needed the most.
A long while back, I realized that I let my job define who I was. My work would dictate what was important and what wasn’t. Then I get whacked on the back of the head by a black, feathered wing. When I still didn’t pay attention, I find myself out of a job – on unemployment – and with a lot of time on my hands. The feathered wing became the hammering of a strong beak, and Crow shoved me along the Path. I had been tentatively probing around the OBOD courses, and took a step of faith that it was the right direction. And it is.
The road through my Bardic Grade material has been a lot longer than I really wanted. Lots of stops and starts, but looking back I should have anticipated a lot of that. Since then, I have managed to put myself into a new job, into a new home, and into a new area of Texas (for me). Each change has required a little more patience on my part – and a little slow down in other areas of my life.
Unfortunately, I fell back into a particularly bad habit – letting my job define who I am. Letting my job dictate what is and is not important. In a manner of speaking, its a lot like walking through a dense fog in a particular thick forest. Its easy to step off the Path, and even easier to try and blaze your own trail through the forest. But the better measure is to bring myself back to my Path…and take stock of a few things.
My job – an Institutional Researcher – is not who I am. Its what makes money so that I can live where I do, eat three meals a day, and take care of my furry children (my three cat-girls). Its important to do the job well enough that I keep my position, and continue to remain employed. Its what I do, not who I am.
More important is following my Path. And yes, this is somewhat hard to say in light of previous statements I have made, that means being a Priest. But as I have noted, its not quite the same thing as being a leader of a group, nor being a full-fledged clergy member. Being a Priest is part of serving the Gods and Goddess that hold claim on me. I am also a Druid — not as in I have completed the OBOD courses, but rather in that I am following the Path of Druidry.
So, in pulling all of this out of my pockets and setting it on the ground in front of me – I have to remember – I chose this Path. This Path did not choose me. And while I have done a better job of being on my Path…I need to put a better and more concentrated effort into what I am doing. That is part of what this weekend will be about for me. Not quite a re-Dedication, as much as a re-Affirmation of what I should, could, and would be doing – provided that I remove some obstacles from my immediate Path.
There’s more to come on this, I promise. But in the meantime, have you ever decided to take a few moments and take everything out of your pockets that is you? Pile that stuff on the ground right in front of you. When you’re done – take a few moments to examine all the bits that are there. As you pick each one up, take a moment and reflect on what it is, how it helps define who you are, and whether its a necessary component to set back in your pockets. Trust me, its not an easy exercise to undertake – that is for certain.