Finding My Way…

Those moments of synchronicity.  They creep up on you in the strangest of ways.  Lately, I’ve been working my way through my Bardic grade studies (Order of Bards, Ovates and Druids).  One of the underlying thematics that keeps coming up in my mind is that of “Finding Yourself”.  It seemed a rather odd concept to slap me in the face — I had figured out most of my Life to this point.  Or so I had thought.

See, for those who haven’t been reading for a long period of time, I’ve spent most of my life in an Information Technology career.  Desktop Support, Systems Administration, Database Administration, Disaster Recovery Services, Backup and Recovery Administration, Hardware and Software Troubleshooting…essentially, if it had an electrical plug on it, I was expected to maintain that item in a business office setting.  I started out in that world in 1986.  In 2009, I started to realize that this particular world was not where I really belonged anymore.  I’ve had the pleasure of being involved in that field during some of the “wild-catting” days — particularly the dot-com world.  Thanks to a good friend of mine (Hi Jerry!), I was provided the chance to work for a dot-com during the internet boom.  Its a time that I treasure — but its now well into my rear-view mirror too.  After a time, I felt the nudge to try my hand at something I’ve always wanted to do – teach.  Early last year (2011), I was given that opportunity – and I have loved every second of it.  So much, that I’m trying to make this a full-time part of my life — instead of stringing together a handful of part-time, adjunct positions at various colleges.  But still…something seems to not be quite in place.

That’s why this concept of “Finding Yourself” seems to be looming larger and larger in my mind.  No, it doesn’t mean I am going to leave the classroom and teaching.  They will have to drag me kicking and screaming away from this particular vocation.  I cannot quite put my finger on what it is.  But this entire thematic has been playing larger and larger in my daily Life.  Not only do I get this as an underlying current in the OBOD lessons, but I get it from other locations.

For instance, this morning (6/12), I opened my FaceBook stream to find a post from OBOD’s Chosen Chief, Philip Carr-Gomm.  The post entitled “Journey of Identity” carries the notation of:

Everyone in the Order is working on this theme, to ‘Know Thyself’, and in the Bardic grade we discover the way in which we uncover deep reserves of creativity by taking this journey.

This prompted me to start this particular post.  Even more so, while writing this, I started watching a video interview with Geddy Lee of the band Rush.  In it, Geddy talks about how the members of the band utilize musical styles to explore, as a group, each individual’s personal musical identity.  He also notes how this shapes the wide variety of musical styles that encompass the band’s musical discography.  Yet another moment of synchronicity with my thoughts.

So that brings me outside of all of that to try and determine just what the G-ds are trying to tell me here.  I’m not exactly sure.  Perhaps – and this does fit into what is mentioned above in the quote from Philip’s post – I’m needing to explore the creative side a bit more.  Yes, I’m aware that by sitting here writing about this – I’m both exploring the analytical side (a near opposite of the creative side), as well as participating in the creative side through the actual writing of my thoughts.  In approximately two weeks, I will be taking a trip to Wyoming – during which, I plan to drive through a section of Colorado.  And while I will be at Colorado Springs – I do not plan another trip to the USAF Academy’s stone circle – as I did last year.  Not because I don’t wish to go there – I do.  But because the idea is to de-stress and recharge my own internal batteries.  I’m looking to spend a lot more time in the outdoors, and while I did enjoy my time at the USAF Academy, its not exactly what I am wanting to do with this trip.  But – as usual – I digress.

Perhaps, and again I’m being analytical here, I need to step back into writing more of my poetry.  Placing my emotions, feelings and experiences into a series of words — exploring my creative nature again.  Using something similar to immersion techniques, and couple that with something similar in nature to writing from a perspective of stream of consciousness.  In other words – just let the G-ds club me upside the head with Awen — and see what happens.  And through that — explore the “me” a little more.

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