Its been a quiet afternoon today. Mostly because of the sleet that dropped in on the metroplex in the late morning hours. I went outside and shot a few photos of the stone circle (one of which is the image for this blog post). It was still pretty cold for me, so I hurried back inside, but not before I spread some of the old loaf of bread for the birds and the squirrels. I always try and look out for my backyard buddies.
Once I made it back inside, I decided that it was time to go through some of the stuff that I have collected around the office – and get things put away. That usually leads to me “discovering” things that have been buried under the flotsam and jetsam of my daily routine. I found a handful of journals that I had written a while back – and sat down to read through them. Its really interesting to see where I was just a few short months ago, versus where I was just a scant few years back. In many ways, I have changed – both as a person, and as a Pagan, though I do not differentiate very much between those two scopes of understanding. After all, both are essentially me – just somewhat compartmentalized aspects of me – but me nonetheless. And while the me of today recognizes the parts of the me from yesterday, I somehow believe that its not really possible to happen the other way around.
My view of the world has not changed much – I am still very much a Pagan on the Path of an individual. I still work loosely within the framework of the Order of Bards, Ovates, and Druids. My approach to my beliefs has undergone some change – I look far more into the perspective of the Sacred Connection. I still eschew formalized ritual. I no longer need to spend time attempting to see the Sacred in everything around me. There’s beauty in each moment that Life offers to me. And we are all connected to that Beauty in every breath. Three years ago, I would never have spent more than moment’s time looking through the aspects of Zen in my approach to my daily Life.
Life remains a process. Always in motion. Sometimes succeeding beyond my wildest beliefs, and sometimes dissipating in a tremendous cascade failure. But regardless of the outcome, there are always moments of learning – moments to study how my approach was successful for the outcome I desired, and how it was successful in the manners I had never considered.
My older journals are sparse in material. I was not a very dedicated writer in those days. Now, I spend time each and every day with entries. Nothing terribly concise, but always expressing what is on my mind at that moment. And these journals now occupy a space on one of my bookshelves – as a library of who I am, what I am, what I have experienced. So far, its not very large. But it has become a record of me. Journaling has become an exercise of remembering, re-experiencing, and recording. It works for me. Your page count may vary….