Trying to Grasp Air in My Hands

I make no apologies for who I am, what I believe or what I choose to do in my daily life. I am a Pagan, Polytheist, Druid. I enjoy a good two fingers of whiskey, a good pitching duel in baseball, and gush at a 0-0 tie between two excellent defenses in football (soccer to the Americans). I believe in following the rules, except where the rules are exclusionary for ridiculous reasons. I believe in inclusion. I refuse to see color or gender as any standard of identification of what makes an individual capable of accomplishing anything. For me, a lot of that is non-negotiable. Especially the part about football. 🙂

One of the things I love to do is sit and have conversations with people. About nearly anything. Except that it has to be a conversation. Not a debate. A real, honest discussion. And one of my favorite places to do this is out by a fire. I have had some of the best conversations I have ever attended at night-time fires in various Pagan gatherings. However, a fire cannot always be had, and discussions take place by more than the light of the moon and stars. So, sometimes it is a good coffee shop or living room or even in front of my computer that discussions take place.

Most discussions with my non-Pagan friends will eventually turn towards my religious beliefs. Some discussions with my Pagan friends will eventually turn towards my Polytheism. A few discussions with my Polytheist friends have turned towards my relationship with my strange triad of Gods. And the leading question usually goes something like this….

So, what is it like to have Gods and Goddesses in your life?

Well, I cannot (and will not) try to answer for other Polytheists. Some of them have blogs and podcasts and are more than capable of answering on their own. Speaking for anyone other than myself, in my opinion, would be completely wrong. Everyone has a unique relationship with the Gods and Goddesses. And those who are Called to Them or have agreed to serve in whatever capacity – will have experiences that can vary widely from one another. To speak on behalf of any of these folks…well, I would be making an assumption about the relationships that are there. And I am just not going to slide down that rabbit-hole.

For me, I have a strange Triad. Crow, Coyote, and Flidais. Coyote is more of a peripheral figure in my daily practice these days. Flidais has been an ongoing two-plus year flirtation that I am unsure of where that will head. Crow, by far, has been the prominent one in my daily life, and the focus of my daily practice.

When I mean daily practice, I don’t mean that Crow and I head over to the local Starbucks to share a coffee and bullshit with one another at a table on the patio. Every morning, I greet the Sun and leave a small offering of birdseed out by my stone circle on days where there is no rain. I ask Crow to watch over me throughout the day and to show me where I can take a better direction in my daily life that would allow me to whatever service He may require of me. In the night, I thank Him for the guidance that was provided, even if I never realized that I was being guided in that direction. if no guidance was provided, I still give thanks for Crow’s presence.

My daily practice is simple. Tennis shoes, jeans, and a t-shirt will suffice for any ritual. If I have need of it, I have my staff to bring with me. Greeting the Sun serves as a reminder that each morning brings a new day with new challenges, mysteries, and exchanges with other people. My celebrations of the changing seasons follow the Wheel of the Year. As a member of the Order of Bards, Ovates, and Druids, I utilize their framework for my rituals – and alter each slightly, so that I include my strange Triad.

A daily practice does not have to be elaborate. Nor does it have to be complicated. It just needs to work – for you. A relationship with a God or Goddess does not need to be complicated either. Nor does it make you “important” or better than anyone else. Should you choose to accept a mantle of Priesthood or some form of servitude to any of the Gods – that role will change who you are, as it should. But it will never make you into some “better” Pagan or Polytheist than anyone else. You are accepting a role and the duties associated with it…not a scepter or crown that places you above anyone else. You are, in my opinion, formalizing your relationship with that God or Goddess.

To be blunt, just perceiving the Gods is an amazing experience – in my opinion. Knowing and feeling that They are real, distinct Beings was a watershed moment in my life. Not having a vocabulary to communicate this to my (then) eleven-year-old mind was uniquely frustrating. Having to wait until I was nearly twenty-three to find the words to express what I had felt was its own discouraging form of the Nine Hells. Now, at nearly fifty-two (just days away now), with a proper lexicon of definitions to explain things to my much more experienced mind – I am much more at peace with what I feel, what I experience and what I perceive in the world around me. Certainly, there will be those that may find me mad, confused, and odd. All I can reply to that is that the fire in the head can always be confusing to those that do not understand. What is it like to have a God or Goddess in your life? Honestly, it is amazing. But trying to describe the feeling is like trying to grasp air in your hands.

One thought on “Trying to Grasp Air in My Hands

  1. Sometimes the presence of various gods in my life changes also, but it’s usually a matter of one (or some) coming forward, and another stepping back. Usually I don’t understand this when it happens, but have later seen that the “new” god can meet my need in a different way, or meet a new need entirely.


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