“You look depressed.”
“Are you ok? Is anything the matter?”
“You’re not as upbeat as you were a while back.”
I have heard these statements from quite a few people. Not over a long period of time either. These statements have been made to me quite recently. At first, I sort of heard what was being said, but sat there and thought to myself: “I’m not depressed. I don’t feel depressed.” Nearly immediately after that moment, others started expressing their concern. The extra chorus of voices making the same statement brought me back to thinking about the initial statement of me being depressed. Along with the realization that every single person, from the first notice and beyond had made the same plea: get some help.
My initial step was to do the same crap I always do: over-think things. But in that process, I did have my own epiphany over everything. I had made the statement that I didn’t feel depressed, I didn’t believe I was depressed. Well, of course I didn’t feel depressed. I have absolutely no idea what being depressed actually feels like it. So, I had to really sit down and go over some of the stuff that had been mentioned to me. One at a time. And not analyzing it at all. I got a bit lucky. A friend’s mother is a clinical psychologist and was kind enough to discuss everything with me. In the end, I reached out to the mental health process under the healthcare system I am currently covered by (another lucky break for me – so many people do not have that kind of access to necessary help like this).
I usually make morning Facebook posts telling people to seek joy and happiness in their life. It’s a concept I believe in. But there has been a lot of difficulty for me to do exactly that on a daily basis. Granted, I am going through some processes in my life that are a bit stressful, but even through that I should be able to see the good in my daily life. I have a tendency to down-play my ability to do things. I do a lot of self-deprecating humor. Sure, its funny to poke fun at yourself from time to time, but I do it a lot. And believe it or not, when you do that – you begin to believe that. So, there’s some de-programming that I will also need to handle, as well as finding better ways to treat myself. And these are only a handful of examples.
Now, I am starting the process of working through these and several other issues that I have self identified as needing to be approached. I am confident that this will also uncover other issues, concepts and the such that will also need to be addressed. I also realize that this is not going to be a quick process. This is going to take time. This is going to take effort. This is going to require a strength that I am unsure that I have. But so many people in my life have that faith in me to do this.
I am doing this for me. But I am also doing this for other reasons. Because all of those reasons are just as important to me. Because I have a future that I want. And doing the hard work to get there needs to be accomplished. And I can do it.
Why am I writing about this? For a lot of reasons. Because writing is cathartic for me. Putting my thoughts to written word is a way for me to make things real for me. But also for those who read this. In the hopes that if you feel like you need someone to talk to about life…that you take that opportunity and do so. There’s nothing wrong with reaching out your hand for help. I promise.