I’m Really Just Me

Your life must be some really cool time. All the amazing stuff with spells, magick, Gods, Spirits, and the Fae. Just incredible stuff every day. I’d love to have your life.

You can hear my head violently meeting my wooden desk, can’t you? I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard this in nearly thirty-five years of being on a Pagan Path. Its like my life is a combination of the Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever, any of J.R.R. Tolkien’s novels, and the newest wrinkle, the world of Hogwarts in the Harry Potter novels. Spectacular and amazing stuff that no one would ever fathom happening around every corner. People flying on brooms, appearing out of thin air, just wandering straight into fantastic adventures upon which the future of the world around us teeters on the balance between our continued survival or utter destruction. In the meantime, those “muggles” are totally unaware of all of that world. Gods, I’m going to need a pair of Tylenol after that paragraph. Or maybe I need to drink heavily to achieve that state of amazing content….

The reality is that being a Pagan, a Druid, whatever…is nothing like any of that. And for those of you who have read the first and second Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever, I’m not sure I want my worldview turned that far upside-down. My life as a Pagan is not that exciting. I’m about as boring as boring can get.

My day usually starts with a cup of coffee, some chocolate-chip muffins (store-bought not home-made…I’m too lazy for anything else when it comes to making food stuff), and the morning news (the local Fox channel). Once I get past that, my next few hours is spent in front of the computer. There’s a variety of things I could be doing: surfing the web, answering Emails, posting on Facebook, writing a blog post (as I am right now), or watching Youtube videos….just a few examples. Or I could be checking the latest job postings, trying to locate a full-time job doing data analysis or some information technology related job. Once that is finished, if the weather is cooperating, I take a walk around the neighborhood, which is followed on by some lunch. Depending on the day, my latter part of the afternoon is spent doing classwork for my fourth college degree, doing lesson work from my Ovate Gwers or running errands (such as grocery shopping or medical appoints if I have some). My early evenings are spent reading or playing on my PS4 with the deeper part of the evening spent on tv shows or a movie before I finally curl up to sleep…and eventually be bombarded by the furry mafia (Gabby and Raven – the younger cats). Not terribly exciting, eh?

However, I totally grok the draw of such elaborate fantasy and how it ties into Paganism, Druidry, and what-not. Its absolutely understandable, and I would be remiss if I didn’t admit to indulging in some Fantasy within my own life. On my PS4, I play a Major League baseball game that allows me to create players that play various positions. I have created a few of these fictional players and broken MLB records for strikeouts by a pitcher, home runs by a hitter, and career hits. It’s a nice fantasy, an excellent form of escapism from what can be a dull monotony to my normal day. Its not real life though.

My daily life as a Pagan doesn’t have me consorting with other worldly creatures in the Goblin Market, using hidden magickal powers to persuade people to do my bidding or sitting down and mixing a magickal elixir. Unless you count when I make my home-made salsa, but I don’t think that really counts.

Probably the most exciting moments in my daily life come from the conversations I have with the other homeowners in my neighborhood. We don’t agree on politics, and our basic values are quite different. Sometimes, our conversations can get a little contentious, but I’ve learned that the easiest way to deal with things is to polite step out of the conversation and continue my sidewalk surfing. Prolonged conversations turn into heated disagreements, which can lead to having an angry neighbor. Never a good thing, especially since we live on the same street. I like being able to wave at my neighbors when I see them and have them wave back with all of their fingers.

When I do my “Pagany” and ‘Druidish” things, its typically in my own backyard. Behind fences that keep most of the prying eyes out. Even then, its really hard to discern exactly what I am doing. I’m not waving my hands all over the place. I’m not shouting and screaming my intentions or loudly shouting my ritual intentions. If you watched me from a distance, it would look like I set a small fire in a stone circle, sat down in the center of it, and am quietly talking to myself. Yep, I’m that weird guy who talks to himself. Though I really do that in everyday life when doing normal things. Its my way of keeping track of what I am trying to accomplish at the moment. Well, I’m also checking in with myself to see how the day is going too. 😉

I don’t have a wand. Don’t need or want one. I do have a staff, but I only carry that with me when I’m walking. Not so much for the support as much as it is there for defense. Not against the over-zealous Christians (there are over fifteen smallish Baptist churches within three blocks of my house), as much as I need it to potentially fend off wild dogs. Many people in the surrounding counties dump their dogs in the wooded areas near here, and some of those have gone quite feral. So, I try not to make myself into a nice enticing milk-bone snack that can’t fight back. I have a cloak, but I’m not in the habit of wearing it – aside from Pagan functions. Most of the time, I’m dressed like I would normally go and get groceries.

Do I believe in any of that stuff? Goblins? Fairies? Magick? Spells? Potions? Witches? Druids? Gods and Goddesses? Of course I do, just not in the over commercialized fantasy worlds that get portrayed in tv shows, fiction books, and the movies. Life is life, just as you see it before your eyes. If it looks a little weird, you might be Under Hill or walked around the corner into a different dimension. I’m not ruling any of that as out-of-bounds. I’m just saying…I’ve never had direct experiences like that. Now, an unconscious state….well, let’s just say that all bets are off. 😉

I’m not sure if any of this is shocking or not. I’ve run across so many expectations of what a Pagan or a Druid should or should not look like, according to others. The reality is that I’m no different than anyone else. I’m just trying to live my life a single day at a time and thanking the Gods every morning that I wake up. Then again, I’ve never been one for living up to others’ expectations. I know what I want out of life…and I do my best to go out and get it…even if I am somewhat clumsy about it. But hey – that’s me. 😊

–Tommy /|\

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