Sunday, July 10th – 2022

Well, here I am. Tired, depressed, not feeling at all like myself. Essentially, not at all feeling like myself, at all. Why? I’m not at all sure. But I’m here nonetheless. Part of what I feel is like someone else. Someone I’ve never seen. Alone. Against the wind. But then again I’ve been this before. I’ve felt like this before. I’ve been so very much the same. As what I’ve been before. I can’t let it go, yet I can’t gather it into a bag whatsoever. I don’t know what it can mean, and yet its a feeling that that’s always been here. Anyways….

All I can do is write, so writing is that I will do. Partly on what I am feeling, and partly on what I am doing. We all get that feeling of what we do. We’re constantly doing the things that we do. where we all get the feeling on power, the feeling of being, the feeling of doing. But do we get the feeling of fleeing, the feeling of unbelieving, and the feeling of undoing? This is a world that I am stuck in, at least for right now. The feeling of being just meh. Not sure what is wrong with me. Not sure what is right with me. Just being meh. Its a world of mixed nuts.

But at the same time, its a world of mystery. Its a world of change. Its a world of power. I mean to stand right by it for as long as I can. Not just to see what it means, but to see what it does. To check what its about…to see what its all about before I attempt to enter it. Its a world of complete unknown and unknown proportions. Its a world of immense sizes within smaller dimensions. Sort of like being drawn down into a smaller size. When the music plays at an immense rate, the music plays things at a definite rate. A rate that doesn’t feel right, but at the same time, it really is. There’s no way for a definite size. In the meantime, all I can do is watch.

This is the mesmerizing rate that I have to watch. A speed that I can barely understand, at a rate that I can barely comprehend. Perhaps, its just a feeling of being faster, at a rate that I can barely comprehend. Maybe its just me. We’ll find out together.

In the meantime, everything else is seemingly moving at the same rate. The speed and anger of the previous world seem to have gone on. The world around continues to move at a prior pace that has begun to bore me. I have watched frenetic race after frenetic race that makes no sense at all. Over matched paces continuing at greater and greater speed. Surely, the speeds that we watch everything move at have serene and steadying paces at which they set themselves, which others find to be correct speeds to move at. For me, not so much. I continue to use the same speed and movement. Perhaps, the best speed that works there. Perhaps, the best speed and movement to handle such gyrations at. Perhaps not. Wherever the best speed is at is the one that sees the speed. I don’t know.

Regardless of the speed, the speed at which it is being witnessed at is just right to be witnessed at, whatever it happens to be. I’ll still get witnessed at speeds too slow. Others will still be seen at speeds moving too fast. All of us seen at speeds too fast or too slow. Still unaware of the speeds that we all move at states that are too correct for the times.

Anyways, the speeds we move at are too fast or too slow for the roads that we were on. Perhaps, we need to slow down on these streets. But until we find a speed limit, we all need to realize that our streets are for both of us. At least until we reach an approachable street that will force us all to drive correctly.


PS: I know its not the smoothest of writing, but I will get better as time rolls by.

Photo by Nubia Navarro (nubikini) on

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